The Playbook
by Doctor Cartman
Summary: When looking for advice on how to seduce a human, Cas stumbles upon the great playbook. Things don't go as he planned... Not a crossover but knowledge of How I Met Your Mother would probably make this more understandable


**The Playbook by Doctor Cartman **

It all seemed so incredible easy in all the movies. The girl would just bat her eyelashes a bit or maybe just give him a long look, and the boy would fall head over heels in love with her in that instant. They would kiss they would fight, they would make up and live happily ever after. Well that was what the movie made it out to be. Why was reality so different from what they saw so often flash across the screens? But then again: when had anything been easy since he met the Winchesters.

It didn't matter how much he copied the people on the television. It didn't matter how hard he tried to look 'seductively' at him. Maybe Dean was different from other humans in more ways than Castiel had thought at first – or maybe he just didn't see Castiel like he saw Dean. That of cause would be a big problem.

Thoughts swirled through his head as they continued down the dark road in the Impala, on their way to the next town. They would settle down for the night and then go hunting. Gank the creatureas Dean usually expressed it and then back on the road again. A pattern that never broke.

When it became clear to the angel that movies weren't going to help him in his hunt after Dean he turned to books instead, so whenever he got some spare time, usually when they had settled down in a motel somewhere he would fly out and visit a nearby library. He would sit there all night in the closed library among the endless number of books, looking for the exact right one. The one that could tell what he should do, but instead he found nothing besides written versions of the movies – some of them even worse. It was yet again all batting eye lashing and short dresses. Somehow he didn't think wearing a short skirt would help him very much with winning over Dean. As little as he knew humanity he at least knew that skirts was something usually only women wore, with a few exception. With that said he had tried the eyelash batting thing but it clearly hadn't worked as he had hoped ("Cas, you sure you are okay?" Sam had asked him after giving up trying to ignore the angels constant blinking.)

After a while he had to admit it was an impossible task to seduce Dean Winchester.

This was until he came across something different, something a lot different. He had been on his way out when he had spotted it out of the corner of his eyes, just sitting there on its shelf almost calling on him. Castiel picked it of the shelf and turned it in his hands before reading the title: _'The Playbook'_ by two guys named Barney Stinson and Matt Kuhn. He flipped open the first page and read the dedication. _'The playbook is dedicated to those beautiful creatures that can make a young boy's heart leap, a middle-aged man weep with joy, and an old man smile: boobs.' _A slight confusion filled him but he read on and couldn't help but smile a bit when he saw page after page of advice on how to pick up 'chicks'. Castiel wasn't sure if his definition of 'chick' was accurate, but it seemed like Dean could go under the category if he was lucky.

Some of the 'tricks' were of the more complicated sort and needed merchandise, but there were also a few that he could use. Each of the methods had a title and a little description; some of them even had an illustration. All of the methods sounded kind of stupid to Castiel and wasn't sure he got most of the references made, but almost none of the other human doings he had seen hadn't given much sense either so why wouldn't this work.

Castiel spend the next couple of days reading through the book when he got the time. The hunt had been an easy one but had still taken some time. Precious time that should had been used on the book, and on plotting his plan.

He had almost been called out once by Sam who wanted to see what he was reading. The younger Winchester was always eager to find new reading material, but this was defiantly not one he wanted him to see.

It was time to set plans into action. Sam was at the local library and it was only Dean and him in the obviously cheap motel room. Dean had been drinking for the past two hours and was in an incredible good mood considering that a vampire almost ripped out his throat not long before.

Right now the angels biggest problem was how to start. After staring at the drunk hunter for straight fifteen minutes he decided to just stick as close to the books description as possible, to avoid making a mistake and ruining everything. Standing up and walking straight to the guy in the other end of the room took all of his determination.

"I'm only allowed to drink Tang up in space," he said pointing to Dean drink.

Dean looked up at him raising an eyebrow "what?"

"shh" he shushed him looking around the empty room and continued quoting the phrase from the book. "I shouldn't be telling you this, but I'm actually working in a top secret government space program called Secret NASA… or SNASA,"

When Dean just continued to look confused at him with slightly blurred eyes he continued, "Do you want me to demonstrate what the reentry feels like when returning from the smoon?"

After that Castiel just waited for Dean to stand up and do whatever would be natural to do in this situation – or at least what Castiel wanted to be natural in this situation, but nothing happened. He was just about to open his mouth and repeat the question when Dean started laughing.

"That was a good one Cas," with that he emptied his drink with a well hidden confusion, turned on the television and began to talk about something that was supposed to be funny, that Sam had apparently told him about the day before.

His plan had not worked as he had expected it would, but that was not going to take all hope from him. He just had to try again; and he would keep up trying until he got what he wanted: His hunter.

A week had passed by since Castiels last and not too successful try on seducing Dean. Said person had just only stopped thinking about the weird statement coming from his angel friend when they once again find themselves in another situation, that could be useful for the angel.

Sam had again chosen to go on some research trip to find out about something neither of them had really any clue on what was.

Instead of staying at the motel Dean had decided to drag him into town and they ended up at some old looking bar.

Castiel, who was not really sure what to do, had seated himself near the door longest away from the bar and from the nearly empty dance floor. Dean shock his head at this but apparently decided it would be better to just ignore it, and went up to the bar to get something for them to drink.

After taking a quick look around him to be sure no one was watching him he pulled out the book and read the page a few times to be sure he had got it right before hastily putting it away again at the sight of the hunter returning to the table now with two beers in his hands.

"and then the damned thing turned around.." Dean said continuing the conversation from before but stopping when it became evident to him that Castiel wasn't listening anymore.

"you okay?" he asked instead trying to trace his gaze which ended on a man leaving the bar through the door, his head tilting to the side and eyes squished a bit together to get a better focus. When he didn't answer immediately Dean instead turned to his beer, raising it to his lips but just before they met, the angel grabbed Dean's wrist stopping his movement.

"Don't drink that"

"Why?"

"That guy who just left put something in it"

That was all he needed to get to his feet rushing through the door. Castiel couldn't help but note that this was not going as the book had said it would, but maybe it had just left out some parts to make it more interesting for the reader to experience the actual moment.

When Dean finally returned almost ten minutes later it was with an angry expression plastered all over his face and he didn't say a word. Just grabbed the angel by the arm dragging him out of the bar towards the impala where he finally let him go.

"He hadn't slipped anything in my drink" Dean said after staring at Castiel for a long time. "What made you think he had?"

He was not prepared for this and improvising wasn't his best quality, especially when it came to humans. Especially when it came to the man standing in front of him, so he did as he always did when he didn't know what to say: he said nothing, and disappeared into the thin air.

A few blocks away a man was lying beat up on the concrete, not the least sure what had happened.

It was a very surprised shop assistant who was now looking up at the angel, obviously trying to process his request. The teenage girls eyes swept ever him before finally returning to his piercing eyes.

"Sorry, what?" she asked confused even though he was sure she had heard him the first time.

"I need handcuffs, where can I get some," he answered in his deep voice. A few other costumers glanced in his direction before going back to their clothing shopping.

"uhm.. Try the, uhm, sex shop around the corner," she finally said eyeing him again. With that the angel turned around leaving the store and it took him a few minutes before he reached the sex shop. Glancing over the shops windows his hope of finding usable handcuffs faltered, but he entered anyway.

15 minutes a very embarrassed and even more confused than usual Castiel exited the shop, now with a luckily discrete bag in his hand. It wouldn't do to have Dean figure out what he was up to even before he had even set the plan to work.

A while passed before the right opportunity showed it self again, it almost seemed like Dean was avoiding being alone with him. Sam had just left to meet a girl he had met at the library when he had been there a few days before, doing research to their latest, now solved case.

They had been alone almost an hour and when he saw his chance to set the plan into actions. Dean had gotten up from the bed he had been occupying and walked past the angel on his way to the fridge. The moment the hunter was past him, he pulled out the pink and fluffy handcuffs he had brought and quickly closed it around his and the other mans wrists. Dean froze before turning around giving him a weird look, then casting a glance to their now handcuffed wrists. Castiel just smiled, "you like magic, Dean?" he asked and hesitated shortly before continuing, "you'll have to find the key yourself. Check down my pants. I'm only kidding."

"Is this another one of your jokes? Since when did yo-" he shook his head, "where's the key Cas?"

That was when he realized he had never actually gotten a key in the store, and he looked around trying to make up an excuse.

"I've... Might forgotten that part of the trick," Castiel said looking down at the pink cuffs, but looked up when he felt Deans puff of breath on his cheek and heard his low chuckle.

"Seriously, what's gotten into you lately man" with that he dragged the angel towards his duffel bag. "Good thing I know how to pick a lock.. I'm not sure how Sammy would react if he came home to this." A small blush spread across his face as the hunter worked the lock open.

This had as the other attempts clearly not gone like the book had told him it would, and he could honestly not see what else he could do, with the tricks only getting harder and weirder. If it hadn't worked so far, what would make it change?

"I found this while you were out. Something you wanna tell me Cas?"

It had happened.

How could he'd let this happen, and more importantly how was he going to explain it without actually revealing the whole idea with the book he thought as Dean switched between staring at him and the book in his hand.

Slowly he got on his feet and started to move towards the frozen angel in front of him.

"You see I found this lying on the floor, it's not mine and I'm pretty sure it isn't Sammy's, so it has got to be yours." He said in a low considering voice still not taking his eyes of Castiel "so I read a few pages, and you know what it reminded me of?"

Castiel had to swallow hard before shaking his head and making matters worse blushing a bit, scared what Deans next move would. Surprised he froze solid when the hunter suddenly pushed him against the wall behind him, pinning him against it with his whole body pressed against his. Of cause he could easily have thrown the human through the wall opposite them, but he couldn't move as much as a finger even if he had wanted to.

Before he had time to think about what would happen next, Dean's lips crashed unto his with a force that simply took his breath away. The force took him by surprise and his mouth fell open with a small gasp. Dean was there right away pushing his tongue into the other mas mouth almost violently. This awakened instincts deeply buried in the angel, in his vessel Jimmy Novak, and he began kissing back as passionately as he possible can – maybe a bit too enthusiastically he realizes when he could feel Dean chuckle softly against his lips pulling back a bit

"Easy there tiger" he says as he begins to kiss from his lips and down his jawline moving further down to his neck where he gently strokes the soft skin with his teeth. Castiels head falls back giving Dean better access to the sensitive skin, and Castiel can feel his knees getting weaker under him as Dean continues his journey over his throat drawing low moans from the angel against the wall, softly placing kisses until he finally again returns to his mouth where he places three short kisses before pulling back completely.

"You do know those pickup technics are for the girls who don't already know you, right?"

"They seemed to work on you just fine" he answered bluntly before placing his lips on Deans, already missing the contact. The hunter chuckled again softly before pulling the angel towards the bed, all thoughts of soon returning brother out of his head.

"Next time. Just ask," he said as he pushed his angel down on the bed.

_Thank you for reading _

_Please note that my original language isn't English, and that this was written in the middle of the night after a very stressful day. I might do a little editing in it later. _

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